Anxious

I am anxious. I am ready for the babies to be here…safe and sound.  These babies are being a tease.

A month ago, Nicole started showing signs of pre eclampsia. Of course, I was very worried about that.  Then, two and a half weeks ago, at 30 weeks, she lost her plug. In the past when this happened with both of her girls, she delivered two weeks afterwards.  Yikes!

Then, two weeks ago, at 31 weeks, she ended up in the hospital having contractions.

We were sitting at home watching Grey’s Anatomy and Erick gets a text at 8pm from Nicole saying she’s at the hospital and did I get her message.  Message?! What message? Holy crap, where is my phone? I freaked out, ran and got my phone from my bag in my office and sure enough, two hours before, she had texted me telling me she was going the hospital. She had been having Braxton Hicks all day and could time them 8 minutes apart. She sent me a message TWO whole hours ago and I didn’t know and hadn’t responded.

I felt like such an idiot.  Then, we were still trying to find out what was going on and if we should be heading to Norfolk.  So, we started running around the house like crazy people trying to pack.  I thought I was prepared, but I definitely wasn’t.  Having a suitcase out with a pair of pajamas and socks isn’t ready.  I went to my closet and just couldn’t function to figure out what to do and pack.  But we threw some things together.  I called my parents, and this set them off on the same whirlwind that it did for us.

Later, we found out that Nicole was 1cm dilated and 40% effaced.  They gave her a steroid shot and sent her home.

So, that was nerve-wracking since they were 31 weeks and still too early for my liking, and we weren’t prepared. I was glad they gave her a steroid shot though.

We spent the next day really preparing and packing.

Then, since then, she has had several other episodes of contractions.  So, I have been on edge, constantly waiting for “THE” phone call and ready to hit the road at a moment’s notice.  I’m also scared for them to come early, scared for them to not come on, just scared.

We had a doctor’s appointment and ultrasound at 32 weeks.  I asked Nicole to text me the weights asap. She always has an ultrasound first and then sees the doctor.  The tech gives her pictures and she texts them to me while she waits for the doctor.  So, she texted me that they were around 4 lbs each and then said “I’m concerned that they didn’t give me pics and kept asking if I’ve had problems.”

For a normal person, maybe this means nothing.  For someone who has experienced way too many ultrasounds where they tell you there is no heartbeat any more, this is heart-stopping. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I spent 20 minutes crying and praying.

As it turns out, it was nothing. Nothing but an un-experienced, uncaring ultrasound tech that could learn a thing or two about patient interaction.  So, we got a good report and Dr. C Facetimed me so I could be part of the conversation.  I had to frantically wipe my tears away when I saw an incoming video call from him.

So, yes, I have just been on edge lately.  Everything is going well and for that I continue to feel blessed, but I just can’t help this anxiousness.

We are very close to 34 weeks now, so I’m no longer worried that they might come too early.  I’m just worried in general about the birth.

I have trusted in God this whole time and I won’t stop now.